THE HIDDEN KEY TO LONGEVITY: RECLAIMING CONTROL IN A LIFE YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE
DR. SRINI PILLAY, M.D.
JUNE 2025
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You wake up to an alarm you didn’t want to set, rush to a job you don’t love, eat whatever’s convenient, and collapse into bed wondering where the day went. Sure, you’re checking off your to-do list and staying on task—but are you truly steering your life in the direction you want to go? And deeper still: do you even feel like you have the power to choose that direction?
Having a “sense of control” plays a major role in decreasing inflammation and living healthily into old age. When individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds feel a strong sense of control over their lives, their health outcomes align more closely with those of higher socioeconomic groups, unlike their peers who lack this sense of control.
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What comprises a sense of control?
Most people feel that they cannot control when they will lose a loved one, when they might get the flu, or how their lives turn out. To a certain extent, they are correct. For instance, Robert Sapolsky, a renowned neuroendocrinologist and author of Determined, argues that our behaviors and decisions are not freely chosen but are entirely shaped by biology and past experiences—from our genes and hormones to the environments we’ve been exposed to—leaving little room for true autonomy. Yet, in the same way that you can swim in an uncontrollable sea, knowing what you can control can make all the difference in the world. Moreover, believing that you can control more than you currently do can powerfully change your brain—rewiring attention, strengthening motivation circuits, and expanding your capacity to recover from failure.
Are you steering your life in the direction you want?
A “sense of control” plays a major role in living healthily.
The nagging sense that we lack free will undermines our sense of agency and control. Even when we know we’re in the driver’s seat, we still feel uneasy that we didn’t choose the road we’re on. Few people dream of becoming a Chief Human Resources Officer, a UX Researcher, a Prompt Engineer, a Climate Risk Analyst as a child. Yet, when they fall into these positions, they do all they can to stay in control, while dealing with the uneasy sensation that they can’t quite conceptualize doing anything else. This leads to an inner state of conflict, which you can actually see in the brain trying to manage the difference between a “real self” and an idealized self.
Many people wish they had the courage that Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg showed when they left college to build something on their own terms. Others admire Shonda Rhimes for walking away from a massive Netflix deal when it no longer felt right. And then there’s Rick Rubin, the legendary music producer, who left the high-stakes world of major labels to live in a minimalist home by the beach—focusing only on projects that deeply moved him. Each of them stepped off the expected path to reclaim a deeper sense of control. Feeling like their opportunities for change are gone, they forget that courage is not a phenomenon restricted to the young.
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Hacks to regain biological and psychological control
Don’t Let the Uncontrollable Hijack Your Mind
Your brain is wired to fixate on uncertainty—but the more attention you give to what you can’t control, the more your stress pathways activate, leading to inflammation and emotional fatigue. Redirect your attention toward decisions you can influence, no matter how small.Learn to Swim, Not to Stop the Waves
Control isn't about preventing life’s chaos; it’s about training your nervous system to stay steady within it. Like building core strength, building mental resilience gives you internal balance—even when external circumstances feel unmanageable.Challenge Ageist Beliefs—Including Your Own
The idea that it's "too late" to start over is biologically false. Neuroplasticity (your brain’s ability to change) lasts into old age. The moment you stop using age as a reason not to act, you regain access to the agency you forgot you had.Start Where You Feel Energy, Not Where You Feel Shame
If the idea of a full reinvention paralyzes you, don’t start there. Begin with something small that sparks curiosity or peace—even a 5-minute change in routine can create a feedback loop of progress and motivation.Name the Story That’s Running Your Life—and Reauthor It
Often, we live by invisible scripts handed to us by culture, family, or fear. Take time to ask: Whose story am I living? Naming it loosens its grip. From there, you can begin to write one that feels more true to you—and that shift alone can restore a sense of control that boosts mental and physical well-being.
Lack of Control
The sense that we lack free will undermines our sense of agency.
Reclaiming control isn’t about becoming invincible—it’s about remembering that even in a life shaped by circumstance, you still have the power to choose how you respond, where you focus, and what story you want to live into. And that choice, however small it seems, is not just liberating—it’s biologically protective. It quiets inflammation, sharpens your mind, and strengthens the systems that help you live longer and better. You may not have chosen the road, but you can still decide how you walk it. And sometimes, that’s all it takes to feel alive again.
